A Tall Goldilocks in Hong Kong: Navigating the Tangled Forest of Perceptions

Iris Huang, The Hong Kong Polytechnic University

Follow the long strides of one woman’s journey as she hurdles the low points of her height.

 

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A Tall Goldilocks in Hong Kong: Navigating the Tangled Forest of Perceptions

By Iris Huang

 

“Wish you grow up to be nice and tall,” said my relatives back when I was just a sprouting adolescent. I always wondered why they cast this blessing upon me. Did being taller bestow some magical fairytale benefits?

As I would later find out, with increased height comes many positive associations, and thus potential advantages; smart parents!

This common association between height and other desirable traits appears to be rooted in truth, at least in athletics, where being taller than one’s competitor offers a significant biomechanical benefit in playing most sports. As a track and field athlete for PolyU, I know this all too well. A less obvious advantage, however, stems from the popular perception – or should I say misconception – that taller individuals tend to be more intelligent, confident, and equipped with better interpersonal skills. This set of skills more generously attributed to taller people may give them a higher chance of being hired and promoted in their careers. The saying that perception is 99% reality appears to actually apply here.  

It’s all about perception, after all.

While these benefits – founded in reality or not – are just a few of the many reasons why being tall is a blessing, I just wanted to please my parents when I was young; so, I grew, of course.

Years later, however, I discovered what the term mixed blessing meant.

As I was scrolling through Little Red Book, a popular social media platform in China, I realized that most men here prefer “short, cute and helpless-looking” girls. There was even a ranking on the most ideal height of women. The gold medal was awarded to women with a height of 160cm, which is around 5’ 3” for those Luddites still using the imperial system of measurement.

I’m 170cm; 174cm in high-heeled shoes, which are stored in the back of my closet and now viewed under a bittersweet light. They, along with my long legs, only highlight my tallness, for better or worse. Given that the average height of Chinese men is just 170cm, I certainly don’t fit into their preferred partner box. Nothing about me signals the ideal xiao niao yi ren, that cute little helpless-looking bird relying on their man.

This new data on partner preferences made me view the work-life balance equation from a new angle. Given that Chinese men prefer shorter women, I wanted to know if there was an ideal height for ambitious women who wish to be perceived as having great potential for both advancing at work and in their love life. And where do I fit in this Goldilocks journey?

Upon further reflection, I realized that most of my tall girlfriends, who are 165cm or above, do indeed worry that they might be too tall to find a suitable local boyfriend. At least I’m not alone in this dilemma.

An article written by Zoey Zhang illustrates how the author is having a hard time finding a partner due to her stature. She was introduced to a man who was 180cm tall, but he immediately rejected Zoey due to her height. I felt like sending this article to my parents with a cheekily sarcastic note: “Thanks for the DNA!”

I didn’t, of course, because part of me is really that shy little bird; but just a part.

Instead, I scrolled through Instagram reels from America with a suspicious eye. I noticed that there was a higher chance of seeing couples without any significant height difference. This observation was further confirmed by YouTube interviews that asked American men on the streets of New York City whether they preferred tall or short girls. Most answered that taller girls – with a height ranging from 165cm (5’5”) to 170cm (5’6”) – were best. I noticed that this is significantly higher than the average height of girls in America, at 161 cm (5’3.5”). Clearly, these American cowboys like their drinks of water tall, which is in sharp contrast to the preference of Chinese men.

I asked, of course, why this East-West discrepancy existed.

My investigations led me to another theory on why Chinese men prefer short, cute and helpless-looking women. This kind of partnership allows them to more easily show their masculinity. Unlike Western men with their stereotypically extroverted ruggedness, the typically more introverted and socially shy Chinese men tend to have less social license in daily life to project their masculinity. Therefore, having a slight-of-stature and helpless-looking women on their arm is an opportunity to emphasize their physical difference and the masculine protector role that is implied with it. This duty of providing protection is both instinctive and a chance for Chinese men to show their care and love.

Moreover, there is the phenomenon of the most adorable height difference within a couple in which the man is taller than the woman by at least 10cm to 40cm. This range of height difference can allow the girl to be embraced into the “heart” of the boy, who can also easily do mo tou sha, which is to gently pat the head of the girl. These actions are commonly portrayed as being the ideal image of a couple in various idol dramas. Hence, it has influenced the public to believe that boys must be taller than girls to show their previously mentioned sense of protectiveness and to be seen as the most adorable of couple. This protectiveness is often called the Zeus instinct in China.

At this point, I know what you dear readers are thinking, especially those from the West. You feel this approach to height and protectiveness is very old-fashioned male chauvinism.

I agree.

However, we must remember the cultural difference between the East and the West. In terms of traditional Chinese values, women used to strictly behave in accordance with the needs of men. This was befitting a society characterized by male domination and female subordination; the men were the unquestioned bosses, after all. And, as such, men would feel the need to protect their loved ones.  Despite the opening of society to Western culture, which has significantly moved away from these historical gender roles, the traditional Chinese values are still greatly engraved into the bones of its current citizens. As such, local men still have male chauvinism in their perceived duty and ability to protect women, which is highlighted if their princess looks smaller and helpless. However, in the West, men tend to see women less as in need of protection. They typically look for other charming elements within their partner.

As I do more research on American men, I look at my passport wistfully. Here in Hong Kong, I often get praised for being tall. I even get a lot more admiring looks when I wear a skirt. But when it comes to dates…crickets.

Now, I finally understand why I am still single after all these years. However, I still keep hope that people would not judge a book by its cover nor a girl by the length of her spine but rather by its firmness and the engaging character that comes with it. After all, the values and qualities of a person are more important than having an attractive appearance.

Aren’t they, boss?

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About the Author
Iris is a PolyU freshman in the computing and AI program. This native of Hong Kong combines her love of track and field athletics with volunteerism for the Student Society of Computing AI. When this talented student isn’t vaulting her tall frame over hurdles, she is spending quality time with family and singing with friends. Rumour has it that she is a fan of hard rock.

Author’s Reflection
As part of the Advanced Reading and Writing course (ELC2011), I was tasked with choosing an engaging topic that I was passionate about. I first looked outward for possible ideas online but realised the subject of my writing was staring me right in the face thanks to my full-length mirror.  I certainly had experience with the mixed blessing of being a tall girl in Hong Kong.

I chose this personally important topic because I want every girl to be confident in who they are, no matter the size which they come packaged in. This self-confidence, after all, is the key step to feeling attractive and boldly chasing success in all areas of life and work.

After I heard that my story had the potential to be published, I did not hesitate to capture this opportunity to motivate other tall girls to be confident in who they are. I have received a lot of assistance and motivation from my ELC professor, whom I am forever grateful for. He has helped me enhance my writing skills and gave me advice to make this article much more captivating. Without his guidance and support, I would not have been able to pull this off.

This experience with Inscribe has surely been eye-opening for me, and I sincerely hope my story has the same effect on others.