Practice Task 4 - Sample Essay 4A
"Professional sportsmen and women give millions of people a great deal of pleasure and fully deserve the extremely high salaries they earn." Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
1) This is a controversial topic which my friends and I disagree on. Most of them think that professional sportsman and women, especially footballers and Olympic level athletes, deserve to earn extremely high salaries. They say that these people are really T.V stars who 'perform' to millions of viewers and so are very valuable. They also say that since a sportsperson inevitably has a relatively short career span due to declining fitness, they should be entitled to a large salary while they are at the top of their profession.
2) I disagree however, and think that sportsmen and woman are highly overpaid. Some of them earn tens of thousands of dollars per week in return for playing perhaps only one game; in my opinion, that is ridiculous. Also, sportspeople must really enjoy their sport or they would not practise it so much and be so good at it. This means they are being paid huge salaries for something they really like doing! As they are lucky enough to enjoy their job, a rare thing, I think they do not need so much money.
3) Finally, sportspeople can make enormous sums of money in competitions such as Wimbledon for tennis or the U.S Open for golf. In addition, multinational companies are always interested in using them to advertise their products, and they are paid very well to be sponsored. As they can make extra money in these ways, I think their monthly salary need not be so high.
4) To conclude, I disagree with the statement that sportspeople deserve their salaries.
256 words
Comments:
| Paragraph 1 | indicates that the writer may not share the majority view on this topic and outlines some points of the opposing argument. |
| Paragraph 2 | introduces the writer's viewpoint , and his/her reasons for holding this viewpoint. |
| Paragraph 3 | continues with other justifications for his/her argument. |
| Paragraphs 4 | is a concluding sentence. |
The style of this essay is direct and uncomplicated; the writer makes effective use of repetition of simple phrases ("they say…..they also say", "I think", "I disagree"). S/he tries to demonstrate vocabulary range by using several different words for 'large' (large, huge, high, enormous). The content is clearly organized, with 'markers', (finally, to conclude) and coherence is good. At 256 words, it is a perfect length.
Practice Task 4 - Sample Essay 4B
"Professional sportsmen and women give millions of people a great deal of pleasure and fully deserve the extremely high salaries they earn." Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
1) All people like to watch sport and many millions especially football. So players like David Beckham can go to other team, happened recently, on transfer money very high; maybe millions of U.S dollars. How he deserve this money only for kicking ball around? Many peoples ask so but I think OK because how much pleasure he give to millions of people also? I think enough for his salary and extras. If football managers think too expensive, no need to buy. If publics want to buy tickets to game, always sold out. So market can pay. So no problem.
2) Beckham and other sports players only stay young until they are too old to play, maybe 30 or 35. After they need to work in different job or be manager etc. But possible people forget them very quickly and maybe not much academic qualifications. So need to earn money while they can, while they are famous.
3) And other professional sportsmen and women play competitions often, not regular work. The prizes my be very expensive but all year they have to eat, to train, to feed family etc. And what if they only come third or fourth in competition? I think it is a risky way to make your money. If you lose, who pays you? Many sports people from poorer countries have no money, they must work in different jobs and amake what they can and train in their free time so of course they are not so able to get to international situations and competitions.
4) To conclude, I think it is OK to pay top sports people a lot of money for a short time but it is maybe fairer to make some kind of international fund to help players on poor countries to share the money and prizes.
300 words
Comments:
This essay has problems on all fronts (clarity of argument and ideas, cohesion and coherence, vocabulary and sentence structure, length). It would score a higher mark than essays 3B or 2B however, as it is not so confusing or ungrammatical!
Ideas and argument can be followed but are not linked logically and could be developed further. Cohesion exists but there is some strain on the reader and few linking cohesive devices. Spelling is acceptable but other grammatical errors are quite intrusive/noticeable. Sentence structure is simple and vocabulary is repetitive as well as rather casual in style.