Practice Task 3 - Sample Essay 3A
"Fundamental changes are taking place in the structure and habits of many Asian families". Do you think this statement is true and if so, do you think it is beneficial or detrimental to family members?
1) Today's world is changing rapidly, resulting in very different lifestyles between generations of the same family. In Hong Kong for example, it is not unusual for grandparents still to be living in their native village without ever having explored the wider city; for parents to be living and raising their children as a nuclear family in an urban apartment block and for those children to be finishing their education abroad, in a country with a first language, values and attitudes which are completely alien to those of the grandparents. So I believe the statement "Fundamental changes are taking place in the structure and habits of many Asian families" is true.
2) Whether these changes are beneficial or detrimental depends on the attitude of individuals: older people nostalgic for the 'good old days' may say that young people nowadays are impolite, disrespectful of spoiled, as a result of an easy life. Young people are used to more options and a higher living standard than their grandparents and may resent being told what to do by people they perceive as not understanding contemporary life. Parents may be caught in the middle, with no relevant parental role model to help.
3) But I think all family members can benefit from differences in outlook if they develop affection and respect between themselves and each tries to understand and tolerate the point of view of the others. That is the way to grow and learn.
240 words
Comments:
| Paragraph 1 | gives a clear example of the situation to be discussed from the writer's own experience and indicates her/his opinion on the truth of the statement. |
| Paragraph 2 | continues with the writer's viewpoint, with more illustrative material. |
| Paragraph 3 | suggests a solution to potential problems raised in paragraph 2) and rounds off the argument. |
This is a very acceptable essay. Structure and vocabulary are adequate, sentences are grammatically correct, content is organized and coherence is clear. The writer's viewpoint is not complicated or cluttered with too many details and the length is slightly under requirements (240 words).
Practice Task 3 - Sample Essay 3B
"Fundamental changes are taking place in the structure and habits of many Asian families". Do you think this statement is true and if so, do you think it is beneficial or detrimental to family members?
1) From my mind is true to tell fundamental changes are taking place in structure and hobbits of asian families but what to tell if detrimental or beneficial? I'm agree to this statement is detrimental and beneficial. I'm having an Asian family; we always all lives together 8 peoples at a public housing. We are very closed to one other and it is no privately. Normal this for much Asian familys, with much relations. But know family member want more spaces and privately so want live in self apartment with only husband, wive and childs. So move if rich, leave olders lonliness and not cared after, is detrimental. Also may be mother work and father work and childs left home alone after scool, can injure or see internet pornography etc etc. Also childs when grow must education very important. All peoples tell to study, study, study most and very plessure in child thinking. In Hong Kong, are childs 15 years have jump out from window because cannot more study, cannot more stressful, also detrimental. But if can go study forrein country, may be good for work and opportunitys. Then mother, father very happys and benefishial. And child independenter than old times, can please self more. May be family not so strong to say what to do now. Also when girl marry, old day must marry friend of father but no want. Now can say no. This beneficial. So conclude is not so easy to say detrimental or beneficial. To my opinion is both and can be different for different peoples.
259 words
Comments:
This essay is obviously going to score a low grade due to inaccurate grammar alone. Style, cohesion and coherence are important, as are ideas and arguments, but correct grammar and sentence structure are vital. Make sure you are confident enough in your grammar knowledge to produce accurate sentences and go to websites such as those below, or to CILL, to check any weak points.
Proofread your essay after writing to spot errors, be careful with verb tenses, agreement, plurals and other common mistakes. You will get a higher score if you can ACCURATELY demonstrate a range of sentence structures .
There is some evidence of ideas and arguments here but very little organization or coherence. There are no paragraphs.