Example Feedback on a Report

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From:
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Subject:
Sent:
Dear Mr Chan, Thank you for your report on the recent training course on Quality Control. Overall you wrote a reasonable report. I attach some comments on it, which I have categorised into various sections, and the text of your report with some comments. You can read them below. Regards, Bob Smith Personnel Manager Golden Gate Engineering Attachments: Comments on report Annotated report

Attachments:

Comments on Content Good features: You described how the information was collected. Your introduction included the reason why the report was requested. Points to improve: You should describe when the information was collected. Your introduction should include the date the report was requested. You did not include the name of the training company. The introduction should include the the aim of the report. The introduction should include the name of person who requested the report Comments on Organisation Good features: You have a section entitled Conclusion. You identified whether information was general or specific by using 'overall' . Points to improve: There should be a section entitled Introduction. There should be a section entitled Background. There should be a section entitled Findings. There should be a section entitled Method, Procedure, or Methodologies . There should be a section entitled Recommendations. You should number your headings; e.g. '1. Introduction', as this makes sections easier to refer to. Comments on Register Points to improve: You should not use 'And' or 'But' at the start of a sentence: it is bad style. Grammar and Vocabulary Good features: You used verbs to make recommendations. Points to improve: You should describe how likely the cause of the findings are, using words such as probably / possibly / may / might / could / appears / seems.. Comments on Business Style Points to improve: To increase readability, you should use more approximations.

Your Original Report with Comments The errors are highlighted and explained with a red background. To: Mr. Bob Smith, Personnel Manager From: Joe Chan Date: 13 April 2005 Subject: Report on Training Course Introduction This report is because of problems with a course. Finding In the survey the students were not satisfied to Caution: the adjective 'satisfied' is usually only followed by 'with' or 'by' the course.  1) 48% of Caution: It is bad style to start a sentence with digits. You should use a word instead. staffs Warning: One person is 'a member of staff'. A group of employees are 'staff', with no 's' at th end. and 50% of managers said that overall they were neutral about the course.  2) 36% and Caution: It is bad style to start a sentence with digits. You should use a word instead. 32% said course objectives were achieved, and 48% and 24% said staffs Warning: One person is 'a member of staff'. A group of employees are 'staff', with no 's' at th end. performance has improved due to this course. In interviews staffs Warning: One person is 'a member of staff'. A group of employees are 'staff', with no 's' at th end. , the teacher and the manager complained about the course. Conclusion In summary, the course was not good, due to no enough Warning: The opposite of 'enough' is 'not enough'. communication. Recommendation Warning: ''Recommendations' should be plural if you make more than one recommendation. I recommend to Warning: 'I suggest/ recommend' should be followed by an -ing verb; e.g. 'I suggest/recommend doing something about this'. change the course.  We should use a different training company.  And Warning: You should not use 'And' or 'But' at the start of a sentence: it is bad style. we should ask the staffs Warning: One person is 'a member of staff'. A group of employees are 'staff', with no 's' at th end. what course they want.